You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
