WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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