i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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