I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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