You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
