did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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