maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
