Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
