just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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