tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
