get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
