found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
