no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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