I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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