there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Text me some of your sweat
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
