i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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