you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
