I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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