just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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