the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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