there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
