I just saw a hot homeless man
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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