she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
