I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
