Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
