The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
