quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
