none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
