You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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