i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
