I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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