I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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