last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
