Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
