The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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