I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
