What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Quick, to the slutcave!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
