'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
that is very illegal...i love you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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