dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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