There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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