so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
is this the sara with the beer cane?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
