Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
