oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
