Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
