so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
