Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
