Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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