i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
