Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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