apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
