How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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