I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm too high and old for this...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
